The Last Goodbyes
by PrincessEspie
Summary: The ship has crashed after the blue pulse emitted from the Crucible hit them. Exploring the room of his girlfriend and commander, Garrus finds her final words.


The Last Goodbyes

**My Comments :**

So this is actually a chapter from my other Mass Effect fanfiction that I revised and made into its own short little story. These are Shepard's last thoughts before going against the Reapers. For those curious, this particular Shepard chose the control option.

**The Story :**

Garrus slowly walked into his girlfriend's room. The Commander's room. _Shepard's_ room. The war was over. As far as the rest of the ship knew anyway. No Reapers had been spotted and their Comms were still out. His gaze skimmed over everything. Cinders, the small Space Hamster he and Tali had been feeding since the crash was just staring at the wall. She'd been depressed ever since the crash. Tali said something about the little hamster missing her owner. His gaze moved to the fish. A small chuckle emerged. He remembered Shepard complaining about how often her fish died, no matter how much she fed them. Eventually she'd just bought the VI. Now, the many fish swum lazily through the tank. Garrus' gaze moved further. The many model ships Shepard had spent so many hours on rested easily in the case. Below them, a light on her private terminal blinked slowly; the thing was in sleep mode. Beside the terminal was the picture Glyph had taken of everyone during the party. They all looked so happy. His gaze lingered on Shepard and her beautiful smile and bright eyes.

With a deep breath, Garrus turned and went own the stairs into the rest of the room. The blanket was still messed up since Shepard hadn't gotten around to making it that morning. The data pad he had been working with that morning sat on the night stand. Hm. That morning. It seemed so far away now. It had been only a few days since the crash, but it seemed like it had been months. There was some irrational hope in the back of his mind that Shepard was still alive and just in a hospital recovering. He'd still put up that memorial plate. He knew the hope was irrational. Maybe being a pessimist was a better idea.

A small pen caught his attention. It rested on the middle of the headboard. Why would Shepard need a pen? He leaned forward, pressing one talon against the wall for support. As he did so, a small portion of the wall pressed inward, and a secret panel opened. His eyes sparkling with confusion, a hesitant talon reached inside and pulled out the contents. A small leather bound journal rested inside. Carefully, he opened the journal and studied the paper pages. Paper! He hadn't seen anyone keep a physical journal like this in his whole life. It was strange. He flipped through the pages and read a random entry.

_ "I heard the best thing yesterday from a very drunk Grunt. He muttered, 'Salarian's have wiggly arms'. It may have been a party, but that made my day. God. That little Krogan always seemed like my kid. If I ever have kids, I want a son like Grunt. Maybe a little less blood thirsty though. Of course, there was that time a little before that. I believe it was Jack and Miranda. Jack said something about hating Miranda, but she had fantastic tits anyway. Miranda just agreed, saying she 'could live with that'. Even before that I watched Joker make a fool of himself in front of EDI."_

Garrus sniffled a little. Shepard was always an enigma. Unapproachable. But being able to see exactly what she was feeling was new. It was refreshing. Curious, he flipped to a few entries later.

_"__I had to bail Grunt out today. That was... Fun I guess. Sometimes I wonder if he sees me as more than his battlemaster. And not like _that_. I mean that I feel like his mother sometimes. The whole story about what he did was pretty funny. Fell out a hospital window, went to the Presidium, caught a C-Sec car on fire, stopped for noodles. I just got to make sure I don't laugh about it in front of the officials. Anyway, the part where I felt like his mother. So, as we were there, I remember feeling like that. It's all very clear still. "Grunt, you apologize to the nice man for setting his car on fire." I remember trying really hard not to stop laughing... "Fine. I'm sorry for setting your car on fire." The look I gave him and his sheepishness was funny as hell too. "... and I won't do it again." The cost of that wall was pretty damn expensive though. It was ridiculous. Not like I wouldn't do it again to bail him out though. If I had a son like him, I wouldn't be too upset. Just, er, going broke. And then after the guy left! Priceless! "So, how were those noodles?" "A little spicy." I couldn't hold my laughing in after that. And all I could say was, "I love you, Grunt." Though talking with him reminds me of when myself, Garrus, and Grunt went through his Rite of Passage. That jerk deserved to get headbutted. Still hurts if I stretch my neck too much though. Meh. Worth it."_

Garrus laughed. It was the first time he'd laughed since the crash. It was nice. He missed the feeling he got when he laughed. After flipping a few more pages, he came to the last entry. Almost immediately, he bolted out of the room and straight to the cockpit.

~ Break ~

"Garrus?" Joker raised an eyebrow at noticing the shocked Turian. "What's wrong?"

Merely shaking his head, Garrus handed the journal to the pilot. "Last entry," he said quietly, sitting in the co-pilot's seat.

Joker shrugged, grabbing the journal and flipping to the last page. Any sign of a smile vanished from his face and he sniffled a few time. "Oh gods," he muttered. "EDI?"

_"Yes, Jeff?"_

"Can I read something to the whole crew?"

_"I can open the link."_ A short pause. _"The entirety of the Normandy can hear you."_

Joker nodded slowly. He took a deep breath before starting, "there was a journal found in the Commander's room. These are her last words to all of us, and I think she would want everyone to know."

~ Break ~

"_We're heading to Earth. It's the final push. The crew is nervous and upset, but their desire to win is the strongest I'd ever seen. I haven't mentioned it to anyone else, but I know this will probably be my last entry. Whether I die from pushing someone out of the way, jumping in front of a bullet, or just making sure someone gets where they have to go, I am probably going to die. No matter what happens, I will tell everyone that everyone will live. They all so much hope in me, but I don't think I can do it."_

Liara stared blankly at the ceiling of her room. "Oh my Goddess. Shepard didn't think she was going to survive?"

Tali looked up from her work on the engine wiring. "Keelah, Shepard." Her eyes were wide.

"_Earlier, I figured out exactly what to say to Garrus to keep his spirits up. It's probably going to make it worse when I don't make it out, but I know it'll make him try his hardest. In case someone finds this after I'm gone, please tell Garrus that I love him."_

Garrus stared at his feet, unable to move even the slightest.

"_Tell Kaidan that I'm sorry."_

Kaidan sucked in his breath, looking up from the bar in the Starboard Observation. "Shepard?" He pounded his fist on the bar. "Why? Why didn't you want to live?!"

"_Make sure Tali knows how proud I felt when she became vas Normandy, even if I never really told her."_

Tali's hand rose to her mask as she gasped. "Keelah, Shepard. I-I never knew!" She started to cry, placing her masked face in her hands.

"_Liara? I want her to know how glad I am that I helped her out of those mines that day, not to mention how happy I was when I met her again on Mars. Aw damn, I'm getting the page wet."_

Liara's gasped, her already puffy eyes still gushing water. "By the Goddess, Shepard! Why didn't-." Liara stopped. "You wanted us to live on for you! Why?!" She buried her face in her hands, collapsing on her bed.

"_Anyway, make sure that Grunt and Wrex kick some ass for me. Same goes for Jack."_

Wrex and Grunt stared blankly at each other before nodding. Their war cry reverberated the whole ship.

Jack wiped away a tear before the Krogan in front of her saw it. "Always, Shepard. I'll always be kicking some ass for you."

"_And Miranda? She needs to know that even though we never really got along, I was always glad that she was my XO."_

Miranda glanced at the empty Med Bay bed in front of her. "Shepard," she muttered, trailing off.

"_Chakwas, I guess I won't be able to share that drink with her, huh? Make sure she knows I'm sorry."_

Dr. Chakwas walked up next to Miranda, her own tears joining Miranda's on the. "Oh, Shepard."

"_As for Ashley, I'll make sure she knows how much you all cared for her."_

Kaidan took another shaky breath. "She was still thinking about Ashley. Gods, Commander. It wasn't your fault."

Garrus lowered his head even more.

"_Ah, Jacob. Thanks for everything. When I first woke up after my reconstruction, you kept me grounded. Thanks for that."_

Miranda smiled lightly through her tears, taking out her Omni-tool to send a message to Jacob.

"_Mordin, I have no idea where he went off to, but he always managed to say the right thing. I always appreciated it, even if I never said it."_

"Shepard," muttered Garrus, slowly opening his Omni-Tool to send a message to the Salarian Councilor.

"_And tell Samara, no need to worry about me. I know that she would worry, even if she never showed it."_

Liara smiled through her tears, walking to her monitors to send a message to the Justicar.

"_And goddess, tell Kolyat I'm sorry. It's all my fault about Thane."_

Liara shook her head, still crying. She opened another message.

"_Tell James that I know he'll make the perfect N7 soldier. He never needed me to become one, despite what he thought."_

James looked up in surprise. "Lola," he muttered, moving towards the center of the Shuttle Bay and staring at the ceiling.

"_Cortez? His skills outmatched mine anytime. I'm sure the crew appreciated him just as much as I did."_

Cortez walked over so that he stood next to James. "Jeez," he said quietly. He hadn't cried since he stopped listening to that recording.

"_EDI, I'm glad that she was unshackled that day. I hope that after this is all over, she can live happily with Joker."_

EDI's platform smiled. "And I am glad that I was unshackled that day, Commander."

"_And Javik, if he's still around, tell him I'm glad. I'm glad he can finally relax since the Reapers would have been defeated."_

Javik pounded one of the basins. "There is no point in living without the avatar of bravery!"

"_Make sure to tell Joker that I'm," _Joker's voice cracked as he read this particular part,_ "sorry I couldn't keep my promise to watch over him and the Normandy_."

Joker took a deep breath, not speaking into the microphone. "It's not your fault," he muttered, turning his attention back to the journal.

"_I'm sorry everyone."_

Specialist Traynor grabbed onto one of the other crying crew mates in the CIC.

Donnelly and Daniels hugged each other, both crying their eyes out.

"_And Garrus? Just remember what I'm going to tell you later today. There is no Shepard without Vakarian. Live your life so I know I didn't waste mine. Please, just move on, Garrus. I love you, but I don't want you to grieve over someone as silly as me."_

Garrus stood shakily. He spoke so loudly that everyone heard him over the Comm;

"_Do you really think that any of us would not grieve over you, Shepard?!"_


End file.
